I’ve worked with thousands of people from all over the world, of all ages and all walks of life. Having had the privilege to be part of their journey, to have their trust and cooperation to move up together is possibly one of the most gratifying feelings someone can ever have. To see others, succeed is to succeed in your role as a coach. But what makes a great coach?

I was nothing more than a kid without a direction when I met my first coach. Back then, personal development was more of an obscure thing; only people who had problems would partake in. But since I had no clou what to do as a high school dropout, I enrolled in a three-day workshop on Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP. Boy, did that change my life! Though the knowledge and information were good, it was the person who led the workshop that intrigued me the most. That man would become my teacher, coach and mentor for the following years. 

There was a certain elegance in which he was able to guide me. An open, sometimes confrontational, but always honest and caring dialogue in which he would hold up a mirror to show me those actions and behaviors I wasn’t seeing on my own. Never was there a moment in which I felt unsupported or what words or actions my coach was using I shouldn’t trust him. Always an open space to be in dialogue, to be stubborn or even to push back. All of that was part of the coach-client relationship we built up over the years. 

Throughout my 20s and 30s, I got acquainted with a wide variety of teachers, coaches, trainers and mentors – all of which had their own sauce and interpretation of what coaching was to them. Some good, some not, some outstanding and some who missed the boat completely. 

Coaching is part of one’s personal development. And that’s why a coach is something personal. It’s hard to say coach X is better than coach Y, because for some, one might just do the trick of helping to move them forward. But that is not to say that certain aspects and elements of a great coach can be seen over a broader line. Some characteristics can and perhaps should be used as a foundation to be a great coach. 

Here are a few suggestions I believe what makes a great coach. 

1. A great coach first seeks to understand, then to be understood

You may recognize this from Stephen Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And though it was published over three decades ago, it still holds true today. A great coach keeps an open mind and treats every client as if it was their first. Sure, with experience comes wisdom, and if the coach has worked with thousands of clients, patterns are easier to spot in others. But that doesn’t mean that after a two- minute intake a coach knows everything about you and takes over the conversation by telling you all sorts of random facts that may or may not resonate with you. That’s what I call verbal masturbation and it’s only good for the coach’s ego, but it won’t do anything for you at all. Though it may sound strange or far-fetched that a coach could hijack a session, but take it from me – they’re out there. 

2. a great coach is there to support you, not to tell you what to do

This is a pitfall many coaches find themselves in sooner or later. Your role as a coach is not to give advice or to tell others what to do next – a coach is there to tell you what you’re doing now and to remind you if the actions, behaviors and mindsets are allowing you to get where you want to be. A coach is an informer who has a better vantage point then you do, because he’s seeing the game from the sidelines without actively participating. A great coach may give you suggestions or inform you what’s likely to happen if you do or don’t do a certain action or what options you have, you might not have  thought of before, but he should never tell you what decisions you ought to make. You remain the captain of your own life at all times. 

3. A great coach shows you your mirrors

It can be challenging to be faced with facts about your own actions and behaviors, especially when those are ugly to look at. Usually, our egos will want to reject those mirrors by, validating, twisting or even flat out denying them. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t look at them. I’ve always been an advocate of shining a light on those aspects that lay in the darkness of our conscious and subconscious mind. It’s only then that understanding can be created as to why we’re doing what we do. With those insights, it’s easier to take the necessary steps to move forward in a constructive way – one that results in permanent change, rather than plug the hole and be certain that the same issue will reappear later on. Coaches are there to support us, but that doesn’t mean their only role is to empower us. Sometimes, they also need to be able to help you take a look at the less beautiful parts we all have and to provide the kinds of support a client needs. 

4. A great coach does not give advice

Though this may sound counter-intuitive, I believe that a coach should never project their own opinions onto their clients. My own definition of what coaching is, is ‘to support others in their learning process’. Coaching is a tool to be used to get to know yourself better – to figure out why you do what you do and to move from your current situation towards your desired situation. And because it’s you that will be taking the steps to your desired outcome, it's also you who should get to know yourself better along the way. Advice given by others is often projection or fulfilment of providing hypothetical, non-experiential knowledge from one person to another. Since you probably won’t take any advice from a doctor who’s addicted to cigarettes, it’s also not a good idea to take advice from a coach who hasn’t walked their talk themselves either. And even if they have gained the valuable knowledge you’re seeking for, it’s an easy step to take one person’s advice for the universal truth. A great coach knows when to talk and when not to. When to shine a light on the dark path ahead and when to let their clients figure it out for themselves. In the end, nothing beats experience you’ve lived through yourself. 

5. A great coach focuses on the cause, not the symptom

At times, a coach will only support a client to get beyond the challenge they came with. Though in essence this is neither right or wrong, it’s making that client dependable in a way – ensuring they have to return to the coach for the next challenge. A great coach will not only help you to move through the challenge or obtain the desired goal, they will instill a sense of inner drive to raise the standard, both in mindset as well as in actions and behaviors, so that the primary challenge has virtually no chance of ever returning again. We can take an Advil to get rid of our headaches, which results in masking and muffling the pain, yet it’s most effective to understand where the headache is coming from and treat the root cause rather than the symptom. 

6. A great coach does not hold back

Rather than popular belief, a great coach does not do a great job if he avoids the bad and the ugly and only focuses on what’s good and help make that better. Seeing things for what they are, neither making them worse or better, is the best way to serve every client. It helps them to raise the baseline of behavior, mindset and ability to response, so that they minimize the possibility to fall back on old, unwanted and non-constructive patterns. A great coach does not hold back to help their clients to move above that baseline and help establish a new and permanent positive change. After all, it’s not a coach’s job to function as a parent figure, but to support their clients to learn how to live life on their own – on their own terms. 

7. A great coach will give you what you want, but also provides you with what you need

Continuing on our previous point, a great coach won’t just help you to get from point A to point B. This linear way or working makes people dependable, which is the exact opposite of what a great coach should be doing in the first place. Instead, a great coach will give you what you want – meaning that they will help you get from point A to point B, but also provide you with what it is you need. Whether that’s a new set of beliefs or a deeper understanding of your core-values, or another insight that drives you to make a permanent improvement. A great coach does not step onto the court and plays ball. A great coach tells you where you are now, where the ball is going and instills in you the drive and reminds you of the inner power you have to score.

8. A great coach always comes from compassion, empathy and love

Love not only what you do for a living, but also who you share it with. Obviously, I’m not talking about romantic love here, but a kind of love that shows itself in compassion, empathy, care and understanding. To have heart for their clients means that a great coach desires nothing more than for them to feel fulfilled and be successful.  To be there for them when they struggle and to support them when they don’t know what to do next. To hold up a mirror and dares to speak out what someone’s doing to sabotage their own success. And always to be there as a trusted ally. It’s not difficult to perceive the world around us as hard, harsh and challenging. But truth be told, we all need people who can and will support us. People we can trust and rely on. People we can be our rawest and most honest selves with – where we can put down our defensive walls and not feel judged for who we are or what we do. A great coach should be able to be the person who’s capable of doing all of that, and more. 

9. A great coach is committed to his client’s success

There are tons of coaches out there that primarily focus on getting paid. Though it’s important to exchange knowledge, care and experience for a fee, a great coach knows that the most important aspect is their client. Being committed to their success and being focused on what it exactly is they need and then supporting that client with those tools to make a breakthrough or achieve that specific goal is the tell-tale sign of commitment. Whether that means that at times a coach needs to put in a bit of more time and effort to get to the core of what’s keeping their client from breaking through or achieving a goal, or pushing a bit longer onto the client’s resistance to get them to get the life-changing insight and make the next step – these approaches and many more are used by all great coaches to separate the wheat from the chaff and assist in a client’s journey to their truth, support them in their learning process and help them in becoming the person they wish to be. Dedication and commitment are the cornerstones or what makes a great coach, for without it, a client won’t feel the determination nor the commitment themselves to push forward. 

10. A great coach is purpose driven

Being a great coach is more of a calling then a job. In a world where personal attention seems to be harder and harder to find, having a coach that is truly and fully there for you is like striking gold. Anyone can call themselves a coach these days, and as I said before, there are tons of people out there that believe they have what it takes to be a great coach but lack one or more of the points listed above to actually be one. When I’m about to work with a new coach, one of my first questions often is “What was your reason to become a coach?”. Their answer reveals a lot of the person you may or may not end up with working with. One of my personal criteria to work with a coach is not only that they know their field of expertise, but also that they are purpose-driven in the work they do. In the end, nothing offers more fulfilment to have a person who wants you to succeed as much as you do – and sometimes even more. 

Great coaches are all around us and it’s easier than ever before to find the right one you’re looking for. With the points I mentioned above you should be able to have a clearer picture of what you can and should expect of a great coach. And if you’re doing coaching yourself, this article may help you to sharpen your skills further and become a great coach. In a time where uncertainty thrives and where it seems no one knows what will happen next, having someone alongside you to help you create a map of where you are now and where you want to be and how to get there may be the best choice you’ll ever make in your life. 

To your success, 

Robert