When you examine the 'Why' in what you do today, you can categorize each answer into one of the six human basic needs. These needs are universal and categorized in a way that best suits each of us. We engage in activities because, at a conscious or subconscious level, we believe that by doing, feeling, believing, or experiencing in a certain way, we can satisfy one or more of the six human basic needs. Despite diverse backgrounds, upbringings, education, norms, values, beliefs, cultures, and languages, we are all hardwired for these same needs.
Most people perpetuate their problems because these problems fulfill their needs. This is a core aspect of human psychology. Two types of problems are recognized: quality problems and safe problems. Quality problems require a risky and forward-thinking decision-making process that often takes you to a different phase of your life. Such decisions include shifting careers, committing to a relationship, starting your own family, or even ending a relationship or moving. They can also be simple, like deciding to appreciate yourself and others or cultivating a sense of gratitude.
On the other hand, safe problems are lingering issues strictly under our control. Depression, procrastination, doubt, various forms of addiction, blaming others for your problems, avoiding decisions, or withdrawing from a relationship are good examples. Safe problems seem safe because they appear to shield you from the fear and belief that if you try and fail, you are not good enough and won't be loved. However, safe problems, like depression and addiction, can cause more long-term damage to your body, mind, and relationships than risky problems ever could.
When people encounter a risky decision they don't want to make, they often develop a safe problem that helps distract them from making that decision. In most cases, taking a risk is necessary to fulfill a need. The fear of failure and not being loved is most prevalent in relationships. The uncertainty of whether your relationship will be as good tomorrow as it is today is a constant. That's why many people spend the majority of their time at work or with their children; in the latter case, the belief is often that your children will always love you.
Regardless of how successful or wealthy you are, as long as there is a void in your relationships, both with yourself and a partner, the other areas of your life will be incomplete. Therefore, it's crucial to heal yourself first and ensure your own life is on track—working on your mindset, body, focus, and passion for the life you want to live—before you can truly build a quality, long-lasting relationship with someone.
Following are the six human basic needs, the reasons why you do what you do:
Certainty: The need for a minimum level of comfort in life. It's the ability to avoid pain and experience pleasure. The quality of your life corresponds to the amount of uncertainty you can handle to live comfortably.
Uncertainty: To compensate for the need for certainty, there is uncertainty—variety and change that bring innovation, development, and growth. While everyone claims to be open to surprises, there's a nuance between desired and undesired surprises.
Significance: The need to feel important, special, or meaningful. This involves being of value to someone or something. People fulfill this need in various ways, such as achieving goals, overcoming significant challenges, or distinguishing themselves.
Love and Connection: The need for love and connection with others. Connection is easier and safer than love because it involves less exposure. Establishing a connection can happen in various ways—through nature, prayer, physical intimacy, or even getting sick and being cared for by others.
Growth: Growth is not just desirable; it's a necessity. The principle of Kaizen applies here—the constant pursuit of improvement. It's the realization that when you're not growing, you're stagnating or regressing.
Contribution: This need operates at the level of spirituality, asking, "What is beyond me?" To live a fulfilling life, you must contribute beyond yourself. Giving unselfishly and making a meaningful contribution to the world around you is essential for lasting satisfaction.
Now, consider your behaviors, thought patterns, and emotions. How do you typically fulfill these basic needs, especially in dealing with your most significant problem? Is it a quality problem, a risky decision that could bring improvement, or a safe problem, persisting and preventing you from taking risks?
Understanding your motives and behaviors provides the groundwork for making a fundamental shift in how you fulfill your basic needs. Recognize that you can break old, unsupportive patterns and find new, constructive ways to satisfy your needs. By doing so, you empower yourself to contribute positively to your own life and the lives of others.
These insights give you a starting point to create an action plan for a new, fulfilling life. If you want to delve deeper into optimizing your mindset and behavior for more happiness, fulfillment, and success, consider exploring further insights in the book "UNLIMITED."
On your path to success,
Robert
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