The Way to Love

  Maintaining a successful relationship isn’t easy – as a matter of fact, over half of the people getting married end up divorced. And apart from being in a relationship, getting in one seems to be a struggle on its own already. We swipe left and right on our phones and tablets, discarding them like objects of no interest, until we find the one we feel attracted to by how they look. No wonder the dating apps, sites and events are booming: we all look for that special someone of whom we think can truly make us happy. But could it be, that this belief is based on a false assumption? Didn’t we hear some enlightened person casually stating that we only find true and real happiness within ourselves? Then that means that no one can make you happy, truly happy, but you yourself. If you’re this far in your thinking – Hooray for you! You are one of a few that truly understands life. But understanding is one thing… to live it accordingly is another. Even with the understanding that you yourself can only make you happy, we still f*ck up our relationship (trust me, I know). So how come that understanding isn’t enough? And what to do about it? Getting from Understanding to Wisdom The success or failure of a relationship is based on convincing beliefs – that you or your lover have to behave or do certain things or in certain ways in order to make it work. And as for them, the same belief applies for yourself. This is the reason why relationships = sacrifice, or relationships = making concessions, or even that relationships = imprisonment. Who you truly are cannot coincide with being in a relationship. Or can it? If you’re asking yourself this question, you might be able to open your mind up a little bit more to the idea that freedom and love can go hand in hand. Though it’s tricky, going against conventional thinking, I’ve always believed that virtually nothing is impossible. So here’s a little test for you to see if you’re up for it. Be Attached Nowhere It takes people that have a mind that isn’t closed to allow us to make the progress that we’ve made Progress is impossible if you always do things they way you’ve done things. Attachment really means: I am deluding myself into a belief, that if I can’t have or do X or Y, then I will become immobilized. This belief is withholding many people from finding, maintaining and expanding into a long-lasting and loving relationship. A Mind That Is Open For Everything But Attached to Nothing Here’s an observation for you. It’s a great test for your relationships. Non-Attachment Test Try these tw o ideas to see if they can help you grow in your quality relationship. They’re not easy, not even by a long shot, but they can help you to overcome the limiting belief I mentioned before.

1. I’m not really attached to you at all I’m merely deluding myself into the belief that without you, I will not be happy
2. I leave you free to be yourself, to think your thoughts, indulge your tastes, follow your inclinations, behave in ways that you decide are to your liking.

What most of us do in our relationships, and why they are not successful as we would like them to be, is that we become attached. We tell ourselves, that if this person behaves in a way that I find offensive, then I can’t be happy: I make my happiness and fulfillment dependent upon those people that I love, being that I think what they should be. Detachment doesn’t mean being a victim – it just simply means “I know that I can make my life fulfilled and happy by having a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing What are your thoughts on this? I love to hear from you. To your success, Robert